Friday, May 30, 2008

All That I Need

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)

Some things tend to push me over the edge. Rudeness and unprofessional behavior are two and this week I experienced both. Change is never easy and this proved true once again. In an effort to be on top of things, I decided to make some financial changes. I expected some resistance and was not disappointed. As I prayed for wisdom, I asked God to specifically speak to me because I dreaded the necessary conversation with my financial advisor. Turning to the daily reading in my devotional, Closer Walk New Testament, I found this prayer at the end of the scripture; "Father, sometimes I too can see ahead situations I would rather avoid, circumstances I would rather run from, and people I simply don't want to deal with. I praise you that just as you gave Jesus the strength and courage he needed, you will do as much for me. I praise you for the promise that your divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness. I know that includes the courage I need. Truly your grace is sufficient for all that I face." As the day progressed, He gave me the grace to speak with clarity and the ability to be resolute in my decisions. I know that God observes all that we say and do but it was nice to receive an email of confirmation later in the day from an interested party to the whole matter. It was a good reminder that nothing we say or do goes unnoticed. Thank you, Lord, for giving me all that I need.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Rocky Path

God does all these things to a man— twice, even three times- to turn back his soul from the pit, that the light of life may shine on him. Job 33:29-30 (NIV)

Today is Spa Day. My sweet husband gave me a birthday gift certificate for "the works" and I am really looking forward to it. It has been a long month…in fact, several long months. You may have noticed in past blogs that life around here presented challenges. For many weeks, early in the year, I took the blame for not being the wife he needed. We even had a series of counseling sessions with our pastor to try to smooth out the rough edges. Only married for four years, we discovered the past sneaking up and influencing some of our responses to each other. I wanted to work to change mine and received some great help by reading Love & Respect. However, the lows that Mark hit appeared more often and went deeper no matter what either of us did. Over the months, I prayed for joy for him because I could see contentment with life slipping away from his countenance and personality. I had no idea that what I was observing was depression. I just knew that at times, the Mark that I loved had disappeared and was very hard to find. He was just as frustrated and couldn't do anything to stop it or pull himself out of it. We had no idea of what we were dealing with, so we struggled through those days. I walked on eggshells so as not to aggravate him. He kept to himself. But God did not leave me and spoke to me through His word, especially the Bible study, Living Beyond Yourself. I don't know why I was surprised but each week as we studied a different fruit of the Spirit, I found the encouragement that I needed…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. It was just what the Doctor ordered for a troubled heart. Now, I notice that the subject of depression is everywhere I turn – from an article in Ladies' Home Journal to a PBS special last night. My prayer is that we can share together what we learn as we struggle along this rocky path. There is light…and hope.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Pit


Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Psalm 143:7 (NIV)

Depression. I don't know much about it but I live with someone who does. Since meeting Mark on the Internet five years ago, change and loss has punctuated his life. Some of it has been good – like our marriage – and some not. Sitting by his hospital bedside eight times during our marriage was not what either of us expected. In addition, loss of his music career, longtime friends, and family plus moving twice finally took its toll on him. The last few months clobbered us with unfamiliar feelings and emotions to the point that we finally turned to professional help. My mild- mannered, easygoing, funny guy became sullen, reclusive, and angry. He did not want to do anything and had lost all hope. He knew God was there but he couldn't hear or feel His presence. When it hits, I can see the change in his eyes as they become flat, expressionless. He closes in and wants no contact from anyone. He is in the pit. By the time we realized that this was not going to go away, we agreed it was time to see the doctor. It was immediately apparent that Mark needed some help and he prescribed an anti-depressant plus a recommendation to see a colleague who specializes in behavioral medicine. HOPE. I know Mark did not have much but I left that appointment with just the tiniest spark of hope that help had arrived. It took a few days but the medicine began to elevate his spirits and we believed that all was now well. However, we still ride a roller coaster of emotions, as anyone who has been depressed understands. Correcting the balance of the three brain chemicals that cause the depression requires different medications. Finding the right combination has proved to be a big challenge. Some days, Mark is back – the one that I know is in there—funny, affectionate, chatty. But, the other Mark still lurks in the background as we continue to fight him with drugs and therapy. Two things we know for sure: this does not surprise God and He has both of us in the palm of His hand. And, the hope we have in doctors, pills, and therapy is nothing compared to the faith we have in Him. This is a new journey that we take one step at a time. Even though the pit threatens to overwhelm, the single ray of light through the clouds leads us forward.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I Love Birthdays

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.1 Peter 5:10 (New Living Translation)

I love birthdays…especially mine. We decided to have a few of our neighbors over to celebrate my day. The last few months have not been the easiest so a party sounded like fun. So many of my friends have supported me with love and prayers and I wanted to honor them as we marked this past year. The house sparkled, the fountains sent a welcoming sound in the courtyard and back yard, and the kitchen was set with my favorite dishes to share. But, the problems of the past months reared their ugly head once again. It was the last thing I wanted on my day. I silently fumed and had my own private pity party. Yet, I knew that an uncontrollable force was a work and I could do nothing to change it. I could only change me. I found a quiet place and poured out my frustrations to my Heavenly Father and He gave me back my joy. The party was a success and everyone had a wonderful time. I love birthdays!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Make My Day


I was having a bad day last week…a really bad day. As I drove down the road, I whined to God about all that was going on. A verse learned long ago began to echo in my mind: This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 (KJV) I must rejoice today? That was the last thing I wanted to do as the list of complaints began to roll. But I realized He didn't give me this command for just those days when I am happy and all is going well in my world. He wants me to rejoice no matter what my circumstances are because He is the one in control. He made the day and it is my responsibility to trust him for the outcome. I know that when I release my worries and turn to him, His promise is good. "Ok, Lord," I said as the tears began to flow, "I will rejoice." Good, bad, or indifferent, my day was His and He had my back. What a way to make my day!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Powerful Speech

Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." Exodus 4:9 (NIV)

I spent the day pondering the disciple, Stephen's, final impassioned speech at his trial before the high priests in Acts 7. He highlights God's intervention in the lives of the children of Israel, beginning with Abraham following it through the life of Moses. However, verse 22 stopped me in my tracks: Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action. Acts 7:22 (NIV) What? Powerful in speech? I thought Moses was a lousy speaker and needed Aaron, his brother, to help him. As I thought about his story, I remembered that Moses had been trained in an Egyptian household, probably catered to by the Princess who adopted him as a baby and he may have grown up thinking he had it all together. Then tragedy struck when he killed a man in what he thought was an act of compassion for his fellow Israelites. Only they did not see it that way forcing him to flee to the distant land of Midian for forty years. I imagine that he spent time questioning his abilities wondering what God had in mind for his life. Yet, God did not forget Moses but used that time to teach and stretch him for the biggest challenge yet to come. When God pulled him back into the story, he was a humbled man and knew that if he was going to say or do anything of influence, it must come from God, alone. However, do we ever have it all together? No, he still complained and looked for a way out but God was not about to let him off the hook: Then the Lord asked Moses, "Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say." Exodus 4:11-12(NLT) Now that is powerful speech! We don't have to be perfect...just available.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Special Gift

Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble. Proverbs 17:17 (The Message)

I love it when friends come to visit. We said goodbye yesterday after four days of great fun with some good friends from California. When you share your home, meals, and everyday life with others, a bond develops from those shared experiences that lasts a lifetime. I know that I can call when times are good or times are hard. They love me even when my hair is a mess, no make-up, and dressed in sweats or all dressed up in my finest. Friendship is a true blessing from God that shows us in living color the kind of relationship we can have with Him. He is always available—in good times or bad. He loves to listen to us talk with Him and wants us to listen in return. He doesn't care whether we have it all together or are a mess. He likes nothing better than a good meal served up for us from His Word. And, the best part is He will never leave us or forget about us. He just loves us. I encourage you to thank God for those folks that you call "friends." They are a special gift from your Heavenly Father.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Walking the Dog

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8 (NIV)

Don't you just love a lazy Saturday? I started the day with an early morning walk with a friend and her dog. Since I am not a dog person, I was amused as I watched this little dog sniff and chase anything that moved. She was ready to take off into the wilds until she reached the end of the leash, which jerked her back into line beside us. My friend explained to me all the potential dangers lurking for her dog to get into and the necessity of watching her closely to save her from her own curiosity. Sound familiar? We are all curious and it starts early as I watch my grandgirlies check out their world. God has given us minds with the capability to question, learn, and reason. We have memory so that consequences have meaning. And, finally, we have free will to choose what we seek out and how we respond to it. Sometimes we make good decisions and other times, we head off in the wrong direction. However, as Christians we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit who helps us make those decisions. It would be so much easier if He would jerk me back into line before I take off on my own way but He is gentle and speaks in a still, small voice to my heart. Part of maturity as a believer is learning to be quiet and listen for His leading. Try an early morning walk through the scripture being open to heavenly direction. It is a perfect way to start the day. Today I got both kinds of exercise…then I made waffles!